Milk and Honey by Rapi Kaur


Today, I wounded up in a bookstore and sat and read a bit of this book of which I also highly recommend. It is deeply rooted,  beautifully written poetry that touches the core. In Particular, these excerpts stood out to me the most. I tell you this because it consoled this hearts thrashing and crashing waves and calmed the hurt child within and I suddenly felt at peace even only for this moment.

As I sat on the floor, in between isles of books, I realized that I became the image of me.  I felt like me, authentic, genuine, real, true… all the things that have in the past made me feel beautiful. And I did, I felt beautiful and at peace.

Funny how that works… the more I do what I love, the more I feel love swimming within me and transcends outside of me and it is then, when I feel I become the person I am meant to be.

It’s a simple concept, I know, but I forget it often. So, I am doing myself the favor of reminding myself of it.

choose love, be love, give love, love love and all that you love will mirror you in love.


goodnight darlings,

thank you for listening to me.


your bluebird


Cheers, To A Positive Life!



It has been long overdue since I’ve taken the time to write. I’ve been sulking in the shadows for too long, not realizing that not everything is so serious. Not everything needs careful analysis, and well, I have the tendency to be so negative. I forget to be lighthearted, to live in the moment, and live for the day. And so, on a positive note, it’s today and today, I will write.

“Life is short, too short to be taken too seriously. ” A 21 year-old has just taught me that. I find it amusing that I could attract a 21 year old, being that I am 30 years lived, nearly 10 years older than he. But either way, I’ll take the compliment.  I forgot what it was like to be so fresh, in thought, in life, in experience, in love. I don’t think his heart has ever been broken and he loves so willingly, unapologetically, and is unafraid. We should all love this way no matter how broken or beaten we may be.

Of course, I am not pursuing this, he is not my person, but I do find it so sweet to be courted by a very young boy, who walks me to my car, waits for me to cross the street, offers me a coat when I am cold, showers me with compliments, listens to every word I say, and buys me little things every once in a while. It’s sweet. Makes me feel like royalty and I very much like the feeling. hahah Guess, this boy came to my life to remind me of my worth. I am worth being treated lovingly, sweetly and gently. And I have never been treated this way. I have always just been a prize to be conquered or too naive to have fallen for someone who does not love me in return. I’ve been played like a game. But If I am treated like royalty, I’d reciprocate. Dare I say, I know now to wait for this, my prince, and king and no less.

I yearn for this- for this love my heart has been aching for all my life and I still have not found. But no more of this talk, I want to be happy. I want to be more positive and have a healthier outlook on life. I want to laugh, I want to dance, and sing, and joke, and not give a care in the world. I want to take midnight trips, and watch many sunsets, I want to sleep on the ocean and see some snow, go on day trip adventures to the desert and mountains and So, I will make more of an effort to go out with those who seek my company, say yes to life, rekindle my friendships and not take life too seriously. It’s time to say yes to a social life.


***Also, side note. I’ve been meaning to leave the social media world (for plenty of reasons of which I will share later) and hope to have more of a presence here instead. So, hope to be seeing you all more often.


All my best and as always, with love-





*excerpt from my book

 Memories at times anchor one to the past and while the past may have been beautiful, it is no way of living- that is like clinging on to a ghost of you- a shell that is no longer inhabited by anything living and I know this well. All too well. I’ve been living in the past for far too long and every once in a while, I travel back in time, in the memories of yesterday. When I notice myself doing this, I realize, I have had a bad day- and I remember the colorful fish in a pond from my dreams. They are a kind of rare species in this world, and two of them are dead and floating in the crystalline waters of the Los Angeles Oasis which exist only in my dreams. Two of whom I loved and adored and will always love. Blue, Yellow, Green, Red, and I killed two relationships with these rare species. I cut all ties, and I miss them so, as if limbs were taken from my flesh. God knows why, and I probably deserved it. But I have to have faith in the universe, because nothing is more beautiful than that- when all is synchronized, the winds, the ruffles of paper, it is all so magical. Yes, magic does exist, and it is always the hand of the universe that creates the miracles. How then could the desert find a spring? Or the mountain be moved by a mustard seed? Or lightning grow out of pitch black night? Or a rainbow beam through a crystal? And I have faith in that. I do, and I know this and if there is anything I know it is this and only this. 



Self-Potrait, Practicing

I’m up before the sunrise. It’s calm and quiet and I can hear the symphony of crickets outside my window. Why don’t I do this more often?

The date is 9.20.19.  I have a full day today but I wanted to sneak in some meditation time before the storm. I intend to seize today and somehow squeeze in a workout before work, a 20 minute practice with my guitar, some vocal  exercises and singing on my commute to work, a work shift at the Art Museum, and lastly extend my love to my friends which I have not seen in a while and miss, in the evening. Maybe hopefully sing? If the opportunity arises. I’m awaiting my next stage, but I have work to do. I have confidence to learn, and practice to achieve. But easy does it, and patience is key. My stage will come, I can feel it.

Life is a balance between the quiet meditation of your person and inner self, and the gift of sharing my self with those I love. I want to be more loving, more giving, but in turn I need to love myself to be able to give those I love the most of me. So, this to me is an act of self-love. And I have every  intention to spill my heart to those deserving of its honey.

Ps. Today my new guitar arrives! Finally, my very own Cordoba guitar.


with love and admiration. Always and truly yours,




I’ve silenced my voices. The very curious one. the confident one- the stern one and the one that knows who she is and what exactly it is that she wants. Why have I silenced these voices? Why do I hold her back ? The free child within me, she is begging me to let her free. She has been begging as far as I can remember but lately all that there has been is silence. Is she still there?

Who am I? I do not have the slightest clue. I used to be so sure, so full of confidence in the spirit that roams within me but lately I cannot feel her. I have not even picked up my guitar and I can barely bring myself to write tonight.

A part of me is trying not to convince myself that I am ill, I fear I am.  Why do I hide? Why am I so ashamed? Whenever I feel this way I want to escape again, leave and start again, fool myself into thinking that my answers are elsewhere. And truthfully everyone and my own sanity included, keep on telling me that I should stop running away that I need to grow up and I need to learn responsibility but why do I object to it so harshly and why am I waking up every morning and force myself into wearing that coat and those black pumps… why do I force myself to be part of that corporate world? Why did I succumb to this mold that I do not fit a part of ? I’ve once said I would never be a part of and here I am succumbing for comfort for security-foolish! foolish!  I’d rather live for a penny. I could care for less for this body. Let it burn, I am tired of it keeping me down. I am sick. That is the truth, this body is ill and I could roar and scream to it and I want to beat it. Pardon me- I am only venting.

Life is hard so very hard sometimes and I feel so very much alone, I do not have my  comrade nearby, a confidant, not a true friend- perhaps I am being a bit dramatic but I do push them all away.  I push all those I love away.

And so here I lie alone, in bed in my own company filled with the traffic sounds of the restless and sleepless city of Los Angeles where the light reflects off of windows and the sirens moan in the distance. I never imagined myself being so lonely. Am I unloveable?  I wonder what it is I am doing wrong? I do not expect you to have any answers. I do not expect you to be even reading this- but well, what of it now. I may as well not post this. I just need to I don’t know- vent.

Where is she? The girl so full of love and hope. So full of adventure and mystery. Where she saw every rose like a miracle? and where she too felt like a miracle ? I suppose I am tired. I am tired of waiting. I am tired of longing. I am tired of watching all those films in front of me and people passing by with all that I desire. “They are so happy,”  I think to myself. What is that I am missing?

Can I just time travel to those old records of time where all was well and skies were blue and the roses grew? Take me there tonight. Please take me there tonight, in my sleep.

Let me dream tonight. Let me forget tonight and let me feel free.

I am tired.

good night, to this restless heart.


yours truly,








I write but I never publish…

I write but I never publish I am not sure why. I write just to write, and I do not realize that sharing it would be a great deal of help to others. Some post I decide to share but most of them I do not.  Most, I never publish and isn’t that merely the opposite of what my intent here is for. I need to learn vulnerability.

I am scared of being vulnerable. Most days I feel like a pathetic human.  I don’t know anything about my life, and where it will lead me- there is no certainty in anything. I have no answers. I am just as lost and confused. But I’m trying. I’m at it. I’ll continue at it. And I will either fail again and again, or finally succeed.

And if it is out of fear, then I say the hell with it! I am not scared anymore.  Not one of our trails is the same so we have to follow our own path and no one to tell you which way to go. I’m pretty far in the journey, and I’ve made it this far I might as well keep going. Even though, I am constantly lost on this trek too and I cannot tell you what to do, but at least I can share my experience and well I can shed light to a bit of this path.  The same path we are all following with our own direction and compass.

My compass faces North. I want to go up. So, I will only look up. That, I know. If you want to look up with me, dream with me, risk it all with me. Then by all means, come with me. You are not alone. We are not alone.

I write and today, I will publish.


yours truly,





Journal Entry 3.31


I’ve lost count of the date or time. As of now, there is no time only the present and I am sulking in the sun, listening to the crashing sounds of the waves, the distant laughter of children, and the great Billie Holiday playing in the background. It is quintessentially an afternoon of leisure and I am succumbing to it entirely. Open arms, head high up to the clouds, so willing-  fully surrendered, and it is incredibly freeing.  I am free and I don’t give a rats ass what anyone thinks or has to say. I am me and may I always remember this fierce voice in me ah!- because she is so full of life and wonder and excitement, so full of adventure! and she will never again surrender herself to the mundane and pointless thoughts of others. I am me- and I am starting to really like her. Yeah, she’s pretty cool- I approve and that my dear loves, is the first signs of self love!






yours affectionately,